This week, the United States official Selective Service System website crashed amidst potential fears of war with Iran. While war appears to be off the table, for now, all this naturally begs the question:
How am I going to stand out while standing in line with hundreds of other young men after I get drafted?
The question baffles foreign policy experts, who focus more on “foreign policy” and “de-escalation,” but we have you covered with 5 easy tips to stand out when it comes time to serve.
1. Bring Sunglasses
Whether you’re scaling the Zagros Mountains, or cruising the Persian Gulf, the last thing you need while keeping an eye out for enemy combatants is being blinded by the white hot desert sun. I recommend a cool pair of aviators, especially for those off you who end up in the Chair… I mean Air Force.
2. Wear a Keffiya or Shemagh
Traditionally worn as an Arabian headdress, this scarf-like garment has since been adopted by countries around the globe. This will help you mitigate the extremes of Iran’s blistering summers and freezing winters, and protect you from high UV exposure. Plus, the item signifies a familiarity with cultural mores of the region, a skill that could land you something other than infantry work.
3. Name Tags
Nobody in the military can remember names because everybody has name tags. Get used to it now.
You’re going to wear a lot of sand and dirt colored camouflage for the foreseeable future. Why not pick a fit inspired by the iconic fatigues worn by US soldiers. Wearing camo here may be too on the nose, but you can’t go wrong with Olive green pants and a solid pair of khaki boots.
5. Grow out the Beard
The US Military has a long history of magnificent beards. From the infamous General Burnsides (yes, that’s where the name comes from), to the tactical beards of today. Of course, you won’t get to keep yours. But it will look cool as you wave to your families and girlfriends before you board a C-130 and head out to basic training!
With these 5 tips, you’ll be the sharpest, most prepared grunt waiting in line to get your hair buzzed and issued a nice pair of camo pajamas to wear for the next 10 months. Enjoy!